I have lots of fears and phobias, some rational, some irrational. Here is a (by no means comprehensive) list of some of them: dizzying heights, sheer vertical drops; wasps, bees, hornets, well almost anything that buzzes and gets anywhere near me; enclosed spaces like tunnels and caves; dark places – even a deserted street at night, which is more frightening because it is deserted, and then, bizarrely, becomes even more frightening when you see a lone figure walking towards you; cemeteries, at night; the woods, at night, but also in the daytime if they’re deserted. Yes, there is a general night/dark theme going on here, and a fear of bumping into someone when no one else is around. People do go for walks on their own all the time. But not me.
Although, while in Rome this summer, I actually wanted to go to a dark, enclosed maze of tunnels of death, but didn’t have time. So the Catacombs will have to wait - for a research trip for the next book perhaps...
I have lots fears and phobias where those came from, and I haven’t even started on the nightmares. I’m sure everyone has irrational phobias and fears, and some rational ones too, but I think I have more than the fair share. Am I unusual? I don’t honestly know. I’ve asked family members about theirs, and I do seem to have far more than they do. They tell me it’s down to my ridiculously overactive imagination. They tell me I’m far too superstitious, and suspicious, and that I always see the worst possible scenarios and imagine the worst possible outcomes.
Life would be so much easier, and far less scary, if my imagination wasn’t so overactive.
But I guess I need it to be that way. I’ve found a way of using it in my writing. Writing about them has not made the fears and phobias lessen in any way. They’re still very much present. I just wonder what would happen if I underwent hypnosis to sort out some of them. How would it affect me? How would it affect my writing? Would it become less dark? Would I find myself drawn to writing humorous light-hearted, heart- warming fiction? I did try my hand at writing that way, but it didn’t last long. It didn’t feel right and the words didn’t flow with the same ease. The book I’m working on at the moment is getting very dark. You’re probably not surprised to hear that if you’ve read The Long Weekend. It’s not an intentional thing. It’s just the way the book is flowing.
I would still love to be able to make teens and young adults laugh when they read my work, than cower and cry, but I fear that may never happen...
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